So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
