She just used a chaser for red wine.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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