I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
