We're like a lot better than the average bears
My balls are so social today.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
vagina is talking i cant
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
