There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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