he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
