I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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