You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize