My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would ride that face into the sunset
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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