I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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