She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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