Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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