I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
