I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
