i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
