The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
