Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
