you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
