I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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