Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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