I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
