He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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