grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
