I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
