trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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