i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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