I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
