no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
