so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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