Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
organizing the empties. That sober.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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