is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
