apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
