Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
