omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were trust falling into bushes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
