i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
