every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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