Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
