Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
