She said her name was "party"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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