I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
