My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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