u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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