After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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