Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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