Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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