I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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