Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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