Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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