this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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