Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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