found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
