She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
