i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
