I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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