that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
is that a dick in a sweater?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
