Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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