The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need to stop coming to work sober
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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