I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
