Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
